They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
