Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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