This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
