i wish my penis had a tongue
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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