Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
