FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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