I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
