The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
