after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
