He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
