I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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