never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
