im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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