Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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