also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
