So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
