I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
