I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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