Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (111) Good night (2534) Bad night (36269)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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  (816): you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat http://tfl.nu/j8dy
  Replies (20) Good night (5379) Bad night (863)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Restraining orders are what college is about.

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  (775): He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it. (856): Restraining orders are what college is about. http://tfl.nu/sfmu
  Replies (25) Good night (861) Bad night (5486)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm

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  (248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm http://tfl.nu/t2ln
  Replies (105) Good night (9150) Bad night (1304)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

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  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (9538) Bad night (1343)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.

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  (207): Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend. http://tfl.nu/fufl
  Replies (13) Good night (5949) Bad night (1010)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

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  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (27195) Bad night (2611)
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  (716): View more from New York

  your facebook page is a work of drunk art.

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  (716): your facebook page is a work of drunk art. http://tfl.nu/2ehc
  Replies (3) Good night (3710) Bad night (876)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend

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  (204): Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend http://tfl.nu/gyj1
  Replies (22) Good night (1108) Bad night (2755)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist

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  (416): Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist http://tfl.nu/x60r
  Replies (5) Good night (890) Bad night (1588)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it

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  (828): It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it http://tfl.nu/e4ef
  Replies (9) Good night (2183) Bad night (545)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.

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  (405): I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me. http://tfl.nu/unn4
  Replies (10) Good night (1819) Bad night (414)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick

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  (478): I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick http://tfl.nu/ahbd
  Replies (1) Good night (349) Bad night (523)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.

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  (973): I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on. http://tfl.nu/vh5i
  Replies (9) Good night (951) Bad night (319)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?

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  (937): So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here? http://tfl.nu/g6gi
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (222)

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