im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
