So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?