He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.