After last night, I could never be a politician.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.