I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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