im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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