I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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