Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
