i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
