I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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