He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
