he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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