I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My vagina just recognized that song.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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