Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm too high and old for this...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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