So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
