My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
