He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
