i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
