Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
