My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
