Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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