My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
