I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
