drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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