You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
