nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
