Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize