I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
