I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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