I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
