Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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