I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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