508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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