Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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