I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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