cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
