Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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