Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
