this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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