he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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