I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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