just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
