She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
