Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
