This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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