he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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