Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
